Always Waiting

Even after thousands of years, we still often hear references to the works of Augustine, the bishop of Hippo in Roman Africa. Although his works are regarded to be duller than a butter knife by most people, and expected to be a bunch of incomprehensible mush about the Bible and morality, a true reading of The Confessions reveals a simple, surprisingly down-to-earth story of a man’s everyday life, not a perfect righteous snob, but a lousy sinner redeemed by God. Honestly, leaving no dirty story untold, he writes of how he strayed form the straight path and lived in darkness for many years. His story leads to the pivotal moment when he lays his burdens at Christ’s feet, crying for help and rest. The story of his life reveals the beautiful reality that each of our lives leading to the moment that we admit to Christ that we need him. In one regard Augustine was no extraordinary man, but in the other regard, what is more extraordinary than submission to Christ?

As an only child, much was expected of Augustine, even as a small child. Educated at very good schools in Latin, Greek, and rhetoric, Augustine’s parents wanted him to be successful and elevated in social status. Naturally, Augustine hated school and only wished to play ball with his friends as any ten year old boy would want to do. Raised in the Christian faith by his Catholic mother, Augustine grew to be a smart and pure hearted child. Of course, he wasn’t perfect, and he often cheated at games, and raged against those who did the same to him. One of his first experiences with God was praying that his teachers wouldn’t beat him when he was disobedient. In the eyes of a ten year old, God did not come through, and Augustine was angry that God had not answered his request. As he got older Augustine hung out with some of the wrong kinds of people, and the burden of peer pressure weighed heavily on him. From the days of his childhood, his mother prayed that Augustine would seek God and follow him, but this would not come to be for a long time. Augustine spent much of his adulthood in a life of sin, but little did he know that God watched over him and had a plan to restore him. Just as his parents had wished, Augustine excelled in school and showed a successful career ahead of him, as a teacher of the liberal arts, law, and rhetoric. Unfortunately, Augustine’s desire for success, the approval of others, and the good life, led him into some rather undesirable circles. One of these groups was the Manichees, a religious cult which believed that all matter is fundamentally bad and who strived to reach the higher spiritual life. For ten long years Augustine followed the Manichees, although he always felt like there theology was lacking and unsatisfactory. After attending schools in Carthage and Rome, Augustine moved to Milan with his mother, where they met the bishop Ambrose. Impressed that Ambrose was an educated well speaking gentlemen, Augustine talked with him often and started to learn more about the Catholic faith. Although he didn’t disagree with any of the beliefs of the Catholic Church or find fault with them, he wasn’t ready to believe it yet. He still desired the successful life. Over the next ten years God worked to soften Augustine’s heart for the moment when he was ready to accept the truth of Jesus.

Even after several years of being on the fence between choosing to follow Christ and his impure lust for a life of success, it wasn’t until Augustine was twenty-nine years old that he became a Christian. One day an unexpected visitor named Ponticianus came to visit him and his friend. While they were chatting, Ponticianus, spotted the books of the apostle Paul sitting on the table and proceeded to tell them of two men’s conversions to Christianity, and how their devotion to Christ led them to abandon their former lives, including they’re jobs and fiancés. When Ponticianus left, Augustine, moved by the story, knew he had to choose- now or never. Going out to the garden he was almost in hysterics. A full fledged battle raged in his mind. Finally, bursting into tears, he confessed to God all of his sins, especially his sin of sexual lust, and pledged to give himself to a life of piety. Suddenly he heard a child chanting to herself, “Pick up and read. Pick up and read”. Racing to the house, he snatched up his Bible, opening it randomly. The verse he read was Romans 13:13-14—“Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissention and jealousy. Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and not think about how to gratify your sinful natures.” Augustine, overcome by joy, felt absolute peace when he read this, and he praised God. After twenty-nine years, God had plucked him out of the muck of sin and set him on the path of light.

Raised by a Christian mother and educated at good schools, Augustine led a normal happy childhood, until he joined the wrong crowd of people as a teenager. Especially in his younger adult life, when his devotion to the Manichees was steadfast, Augustine lived a life of sin, struggling futilely with lust. Thankfully, God gave Augustine a yearning for the truth, and Augustine was always eager to evaluate his own beliefs and others too. After many long years Augustine decided that it was time to either choose God or reject him. He’d be on the fence for too long. Sitting in his garden he contemplated what following Christ would mean for him and her wondered if he could ever give up his flourishing sin of lust. Satan was pulling at him, but he was no match for Christ. Augustine broke into sobs, realizing that he could never be truly free without Christ. Why is it that we still read a book by a dead guy who lived thousands of years ago? Because people really aren’t that different, even now. They still mess up, sin, and reject God. But God doesn’t change. He does not forsake us. He is always waiting for us to come running back into his arms.